Ugh, blah, blah… blog!

I’m gonna be totally honest with y’all. I’ve had a really tough time finishing blogs! I’ve seemingly got no problem starting one, then another, then a new idea pops into my head, so I start a brand new blog about the topic because I’m afraid I’ll forget the ideas in my head! So I end up with several unfinished blogs and then I get myself wrapped up in a book which is my recent obsession… Or I have tons of work to do and feel guilty blogging over working on my laptop and catching up.

Pretty simple: job or blog? I doubt I need to go into more detail for that topic.

I also have difficulty being totally transparent or open with my readers if I’ve got something going on that I don’t want to write about. For example, it’s totally normal to disagree with your family, but personally, I find it super hard to concentrate on anything when I’m feeling disconnected with my spouse.

Even if I feel overall pretty happy and have a fairly positive attitude with the kids and work, but my hubs and I are not on the same page as a couple, I am distracted in general. I’ve even written a blog and felt like I couldn’t be genuinely me, because I’m not all together if something is out of whack with my partner.

I know there’s no way I would ever care to be anything but myself. Hell, I worked too hard to get where I’m at, to be someone else! I literally have no interest in being anything but completely honest in life, especially in this blog. Otherwise, what’s the point? I know people that have lied and falsified themselves their entire lives to the point that they’ve got no earthly idea who they are at all.

Can you imagine not truly knowing who you are? That’s a very sad person to be. I know a few of those people and of course I am sad for them. There’s been moments in my life that I look back at in total humiliation. While those were very humbling moments, they ended up teaching me the most about myself.

When I was in denial of my alcoholism, I became a different person as I struggled to come to the point of surrender. I look back and know that I was utterly lost in my own identity and that’s when I needed the most help to find my way back! Those moments that I see similarities to others is when I know there’s a sense of secrecy – people will do almost anything to protect their secrets!

This seems to be a trend when meeting someone that is struggling in deep denial, they usually end up admitting to whatever it is that they’re in such desperation to keep hidden. As a therapist I’ve learned to look at not just what they say, but what it is that they’re NOT saying.

This is the trick. If you’re accustomed to listening for a living, you end up hearing much more in what some don’t say at all.

On a different topic:

Here’s my sweet baby boy’s school pictures that completely fill me with joy!

xoxo 😘

Memorial Day

What a truly magical weekend for us in the U.S. Think about it! We are blessed to be citizens of the most fabulous country in the world so I hope we all are teaching our children to acknowledge those lives lost for our freedom!

I hope everyone reading this blog thoroughly had nothing but love in their hearts, good food in their bellies and were surrounded with family & friends enjoyed their special weekend.

We are a camping, boating, fishing, playing and enjoying-outdoors kind-of-family. Typical weekends we are never home, but with the temperature already in the nineties and the humidity already miserable, we spent almost the entire Memorial Day weekend together at home inside the air conditioning.

This was anything but typical for our family this year. Staying inside usually bores my rambunctious, high-energy boys (including the biggest one of the three, daddy); however, it seemed I wasn’t the only one enjoying wearing my pjs all day!

There’s great value in taking a break from the stress of the daily grind and multiple activities to enjoy your family time. It was a great opportunity to sleep in and enjoy relaxing time together. I just hope that my boys all realize the value of their time spent because in comparison with others in the world. We’re beyond blessed…

I love my boys so, so much!!

Xoxo

Amy Phelps-Craig, LPC

Sexual deviance…

My very first job in the mental health field was in a residential facility for juvenile sex offenders.

It was actually my favorite clinical population over all of my years in a variety of settings, plus it was my inspiration to obtain my master’s degree in counseling psychology; which I subsequently earned as I worked there.

Due to my choice in career, I was able to have specialized training in a unique area! I also happened to be young and very optimistic, as well as a little naive of the world. This specific population truly fascinated me because I was building real relationships with seemingly normal children, although if you were to read their charts you’d see something very different. On paper, those reading would easily identify them as monsters.

I know that this is not accurate and through my experience, education and training I recognize juvenile sex offenders as much more complex than what the public would consider them.

This is why I’m blogging about a rather bizarre topic. As a therapist, I am expected to be as knowledgeable as possible in areas that would be helpful for my clients and their families. That’s a considerable amount of general knowledge. We also have a responsibility to our clients and our profession to be mindful of continuing that learning process. In order to provide the most valuable psychotherapy on any topic, we need to research, learn by reading and consulting others about information related to our current clients.

I found several different definitions for specific words that we’re discussing in this blog. I’ll do my best to pick the simplest explanation and cite it correctly!

Paraphilia: a condition in which sexual gratification comes from activities or fantasies that are generally “atypical”, meaning different and sometimes dangerous – includes several, transvestic fetishism, frotteurism, pedophilia, exhibitionism, voyeurism, sexual masochism and sadism, and even others.

Just because someone could enjoy a sexual activity that would be considered different or unique from the rest of the world, does not mean that have a paraphilia. This is actually a condition and is usually diagnosable due to it’s specific criteria.

Here’s the crucial information – NOT ALL SEX OFFENDERS, perpetrators of sexual crimes or the  victims of sexual abuse are considered sexual deviants. This is usually where I find that our society gets confused.

This is important to remember if you wonder why I would choose to work with “pedophiles” – or why I would even believe that juvenile sex offenders could change. Because THEY’RE NOT ONE IN THE SAME.

I’m wondering what are your beliefs about sex offenders or those under investigation for sexual crimes, or even just youth receiving treatment for this? (Sometimes they’ve only been accused or need treatment but have not been charged. Therefore, it’s only treatment-based and individuals would not be legally considered “sex offenders”.)

Do you believe that sex offenders can change? Most of the public believes that offenders do not change, or are considered repeat (or chronic) offenders. Despite what the media portrays, the research actually shows that most sex offenders are “cured”, (I’d never assume anyone is cured, that’s crazy) but they do not offend again after treatment. Actually to be exact in the most recent meta-analysis shows that only 10% re-offends after completing treatment.

I’m excited to continue my research in this area to help my current clients.

I LOVE this stuff! What areas do you feel passionate about?

Sources

“Mother’s Day” should be every weekend…

Imagine that! We’re all celebrated for our effort of being the best mother we can be, all. the. time. Yes, please!

But isn’t that how it technically should be?

Please don’t misunderstand me… Of course, I’m not suggesting that my family give me gifts in bed when I wake up and shower me with extra love and attention – like what I just experienced this past Sunday. If it was that way all the time, it would definitely NOT be extra special for us on that one single day each year.

However, if we could be reminded of our true value and shown appreciation every single day, or each weekend, we’d probably just be a little less likely to be irritable or snap at our kids after we’ve asked them to pick up their mess the seventy-fifth time! You know what – I doubt that it would really change anything at all because we’d get used to that, then it would eventually need to increase as well.

These fantasies are the reason we have a responsibility to stay aware of our own value, take care of ourselves appropriately and show that same appreciation to our families!

We can’t expect them to be responsible to validate our feelings all of the time, just like it’s not realistic for our families to expect perfection from us daily either.

I struggle with mood changes and feelings of insecurity related to my own self-worth daily. When we need some extra support, as we’re recognizing those times we’re getting snappy or moody, it’s OUR responsibility to ask for it. That’s when I reach out to my mom or tell my kiddo’s daddy I’m struggling and I need help. Most of the time it’s also related to my work stress which means I need to use a little more balance.

Here’s my helpful little advice section of my blog (for my readers but ALSO for myself): *wink, wink*

This is where my work meetings actually come in handy for me. Although I’ve been known to make some mistakes at work (related to documentation or organization), I’ve been making attempts to improve this and also reach out for support when needed. This made a major impact on me Monday and I’ll be moving onto bigger projects including taking supervisees! This means I’ll be putting my “supervisor” status to use which I’m so excited to do!

I’ll start this soon as a new area of my blog so that I can keep my readers informed so keep your eye out for that!

Last thing I wanted to blog about was this:

I was stressing big time, but at the same time knowing I’m making major long-term progress and just wanted to enjoy some retail therapy. Unfortunately due to my absence from work because my son had such a bad month with of sickness multiple times resulting in the flu I’d recognized my need to budget this month. So I went in one of my favorite boutiques “just to browse” and I found that I’d picked the best possible day to look!

For the first time, Pistols N Pearls in Checotah, had a “free table” of goodies they were looking to give away! I picked a variety of items for myself and to give to my family/friends including jewelry, soaps and decor!

The lesson I took from this experience was

Hello —- K A R M A!!

Or if you are a believer – (to me and hopefully others), this is a sweet opportunity to say a prayer and look for the message that may be trying to be communicated.

I try to be the best mother and person I can be each and every day, but unfortunately everyone on earth has to deal with negativity. How you respond to that negativity is up to you. Some days are harder than others. We may feel like we failed more often than feeling that we have succeeded. So at times we can go ahead and take that lesson as God saying, “give yourself a break! Enjoy this. Enjoy your day. Enjoy your children. ENJOY YOUR LIFE!”

And I am thoroughly enjoying mine. I actually LOVE my life! Even the days I feel like I could’ve done better! I would literally NEVER trade any of it for anything else on the planet!

Check out some of my new goodies!

All of it was totally F R E E! I hope you’re all enjoying your lives and I wish you TONS of happiness!

And of course, the best thing in the world:

xoxo

Are you being your most authentic self?

For my readers that are also therapists, you know that we strive for authenticity and help our clients reach their own most genuine self. I try to model that boldness, being unapologetically authentic at all times but most importantly for my clients.

I find that so much of how others act when behaving badly comes from insecurity in self. I do a TON of reframing using cognitive behavioral therapy with my clients as a way to use positive thinking and retrain our brain to think positive in a world of negativity!

As I’m reflecting on what negative messages I gain from the world around me, and where this negative thinking stems from, I tend to consistently see social media as a root cause.

Think of the messages young people with less life experience get from social media. It’s a sad, shallow, empty way to feel immediate gratification from cute selfies to posting things that garner negative feedback and most of all – attention!

If you have young children or teens, you are forced to see this from a parent’s perspective which typically scares me to death! Because WE as adults know the big secret: it’s NOT real!

Growing up in an age of no social media, (yes I am in my thirties) and less technology than now, we’re given a good comparison. There was no way to lose our focus on who we are and how we present to the world.

Now you can portray whatever you want the world to believe you are.

What an incredible concept!

Create a form of yourself and present that version to the world.

If you have social media, take just a minute to consider what you’re posting on a regular basis. Do you post about your arguments with your spouse?

I don’t. I have more respect for the person I truly love and share my life, heart, children and bed with.

I have seen some pretty negative stuff on Facebook or Twitter and typically it’s very immature children or people that behave like children. But for the most part, we’re probably all likely attempting to paint a pretty picture of our life. Again, some take that to a totally different level when you present a facade to others but most people I believe just choose to post the selfie that DOESN’T show their wrinkles. *raises hand* I know I do!

Of course, the millions of models, celebrities and professionals sharing only photos of their best attributes shows an extremely unrealistic expectation to our kids: perfection.

How about the options of being positive, being optimistic? Being honest and loving?

Supportive yet firm and assertive? Does this make you “fake”? I don’t think so. I think being positive is more important than being hateful or attacking others.

If that’s the case, then it sounds like a pretty good idea for you to participate in your own therapy to find authentic goodness in yourself!

How about you? Are you being authentic or fake online?

And as always: what it’s all about! My loves!

Xoxo