Blessings on blessings on blessings.

Remember when I was throwing around the idea of a new camera? I was on the verge of asking for a new DSLR Canon Rebel (which is not completely out of the question) for my birthday, coming this SUNDAY, by the way. I even considered buying it for myself from “my boys”.

I fell in love with the portrait setting on my phone last year and recently found out the newest iPhone has this setting for the front camera as well.

New look, same me.

I’ve been wanting to make this site more centered on my blogs and specific ideas. So after changing the look to a more minimalist style and many aspects of it – oh, about 45 million times… I finally settled on this theme/overall look! I wanted something a little prettier, more white, more feminine. I think I was able to express what I had visualized.

Other things:

Career: I’m changing my traveling area gradually closer to my family again (since our move about 8 months ago) and I’m going to focus on gaining more supervisees! Unfortunately this also means I’ve had to transition out of Juvenile Drug Court and Juvenile Offender Program (District Court) which I’d slowly managed to decrease my caseload to very few, so it was perfect timing.

This fall is bringing some pretty amazing changes to my family as well. Our older boy is doing some of his own personal growth that I’ve been ecstatic to see. Honestly, I can say that I’ve never been more proud of him until the recent weeks. He actually brought me to tears today while just speaking about his goals. He is maturing into a young man. We can see his internal changes and I know it would be safe for me to speak for my other half when I say, we are so hopeful about his future that the optimism has never been this strong.

I am celebrating five years with my sweetheart this month. Next month, (in October) I’m celebrating my birthday. The following month, November will be my sobriety anniversary as well!

Along with our exciting celebrations, my pride in our family and of course details that are best left out of this blog, I’m feeling very happy and content. I look around daily and although there’s stressors, moody days and irritability – I know how blessed I really am. We’ve got a special family. We’re succeeding in our goals to be the parents we’re proud to be, despite the normal challenges other families face, and in addition to more intentional boundaries we’ve found to be best for us.

I’m trying my best to stay more balanced with my work, family time, and actually – shocker – SELF-CARE! I’m finding myself reading (by the way I LOVE my book – Girl, Wash Your Face), enjoying my “me time” (insert gazing mindlessly at Instagram or Bravo on my television, during a symphony of boy/man snoring lulls me to sleep). Wait – am I the only person on the planet without Netflix? I guess this is strange to some, but I like the trends I follow, I’m weirdly satisfied with my podcasts and entertainment so I guess I don’t really plan on subscribing anytime soon. *shrug*

Ah. Good ol’ consumerism.

I’m crossing my fingers that my mystery shipment for the month of September will show up any day.

And by that, I totally mean checking religiously multiple times daily plus even direct messaging the company and asking about “checking” on the package… I’m like a child waiting on Santa! I’ve seriously never done anything like this, so I’m beyond obsessed. I don’t have a obsession with makeup enough to order the fabfitfun or maybe birchbox. I’m too picky and strangely miniature to trust personal stylists or stitchfix. I’ve been shopping at Gapkids for 25 years, for Christ’s sake. So this monobox from Shopilovejewelry is the epitome of excitement.

Oh, last thing – anyone buying the newest iPhone XS or iPhone XS Max? I just found out about these and unlike last year, I did NOT preorder like I absolutely couldn’t live without the newest iPhone – no, I am NOT that person. But I’m seriously considering upgrading. I’d love to know more information from readers instead of continuing to research the differences from experts speaking a different language than me.

Thank you for reading!

xoxo

Mommy Guilt

I’m sorry I’ve been less active on the blog for a while. Well, I’m kinda actually hashtag sorrynotsorry because I have a damn good explanation…

I’m a mom; which is plenty in and of itself, but add onto that list-a working mom. Plus I’m a stepmom, which is so much more complex than I’d ever care to explain. So honestly, I feel like it’s a huge accomplishment that each day I manage to shower, maintain a somewhat professional appearance, keep my focus enough to complete my normal tasks at work excluding the occasional slip-up or slacking/procrastination, and oh, you know the most important thing EVER: keep my family healthy and happy.

For you members of the mom club international, you know that we have to do absolutely a gajillion different things for everyone like we signed a damn lifelong contract to do so.

Sign here: “I, ____ will do my best to keep my children and their father healthy and happy” (yes ma’am sign me up, right?) of course!

Wait.

It continues…

Small print: by making sure from the moment I wake up to the minute I actually close my eyes at night, ha! Good luck sleeping by the way, I will make sure all of their basic needs are met, as well as all of their wants – which will never end throughout the continuous day, and apply appropriate limits and boundaries, using a healthy diet with nutritional value in mind, plus rewarding positive behavior and using a calm voice and on and on and on….

You get the picture, I’m sure.

So yes, I sometimes feel like my head is going to pop off of my body. And yes, I sometimes wonder if I’m doing ANYTHING right.

I feel like a complete failure in all facets of my life at times.

I’m pretty sure every mom on the planet does.

If you don’t – email me and tell me your secrets. Because I gave up a long time ago on being perfect.

It doesn’t keep me from trying every day of the week, though.

Which creates some disappointment in myself.

I planned to give you a mom guilt list but as I write, I don’t feel quite that guilty about any of those things anymore.

The one choice that causes me to continually feel guilt is when I’m typically somewhere between ‘desperate and exhausted’ each night, I have an overwhelming craving to lay in bed and mindlessly scroll Instagram as soon as my family is asleep.

I can feel like supermom but that day still wears me out and no matter how hard I try to get everything done that I plan – I still don’t. This is when I need to admit that I’m trying too hard to be perfect and to just relax and enjoy my alone-mom-time! I know that I should do this, but actually doing it is the difficult part.

There’s nothing wrong with being imperfect! This is what I continue to see in our community, in our world! It has become unacceptable to be less than perfect.

I am what I am. I’m a working momma. I’m not perfect but I’m a damn good mom. I’m not interested in being someone I’m not.

The worst thing we can be is people that pretend to be perfect. At least I admit that I have a designer knockoff at times! I’ll tell you when I buy something fake, I own it. I found out two years later that someone who gave me a bag had pretended this was an authentic designer handbag. Looking back, I’m really not surprised because this person has such a problem pretending she’s perfect, that she believes her own delusion.

Me: all I can do is be me. Every single day. Because I actually like who I am. I’m not perfect and I own it. I admit to my mistakes and flaws. This is what makes me a hell of a therapist that continues to see growth in my career and my clients! So I’ll own the fact that I don’t write nearly as much as I plan, want or need for my own sanity.

But I promise you this-I’m not going to give you an empty promise or a fake handbag! I’ll ALWAYS be me! Love me or hate me, I won’t change for anyone!

I am asked for my professional opinion all the time. The most valuable piece of advice I can give is: be who you are and don’t apologize for it anymore. Moms are way too hard on themselves and we’re all doing the best we can! Be satisfied with that.

Xoxo

Here we are, September.

Guess who finally got that necessary productivity that fuels my passion to be a better therapist and the confidence to make steps to be more profitable in my career!?

Me! I had the week I needed to get myself back on track! I needed to get my loose ends tied, some direction on my plans for the future and most importantly, technology tackled to be free to see my clients without a burden like many hours of paperwork being incomplete because of details that I had no clue to fix.

Done.

The feeling I had when I left work Friday evening was so freeing. Admittedly, I feel a similar relief at the first of the month when I finally complete all outstanding documentation, but this was different. After having a week of being sick, the ongoing tech issues and my plans for my traveling area being more unknown-I needed reassurance. I needed a good plan. Now, I’m comfortable. More sure of myself, my schedule and my sidekick (that trusty laptop that all therapists depend on like a lifeline), I can hit the ground running to new adventures!

Being a licensed therapist in the state of Oklahoma, I have many opportunities and endless options to provide my services. I’m looking into a new idea I’ve written a blog about before but I’m waiting until I know more details to tell you guys more. One of those ways is being in different school settings. I’ve got closer school districts since our move that I’m looking forward to visiting consistently.

All this talk about the upcoming school year brings me to the topic of the fall season…

Anyone else excited for the changing weather? Call me basic, call me whatever you want. I own it.

Amazing pumpkin spice candles, cardigans and hazelnut coffee – yes please! I’ve been looking forward to wearing new hoodies and even dark colors on my nails! I got the best pair of ankle boots on the planet a couple weeks ago, I’ve been steadily stocking up on the wardrobe changes and GIRLLL, you know I’m already back to my brunette hair color! *basic white girl hair flip*

I love it all. From the cinnamon smell to the dark colors-give me some mustard yellow, dark purple and crimson, even the gorgeous accessories and football… literally ALL of it. I’m READY for fall!

Who else is ready?

One more thing: Each fall I look forward to my birthday coming and this year is no different except that I decided I needed to ask for something totally out of the ordinary for me!

For a least ten years I’ve wanted a nice camera. I’m talking about a Canon Rebel or similar, because I’ve realized that I tend to document my son’s life more than I’ve ever cared about taking pictures prior to him being born!

If anyone has any advice about cameras, maybe the best quality for reasonable prices? Please let me know!

Thanks for reading my thoughts!

Xoxo

Champagne dreams on a therapist salary…

Apparently I’ve found my dream store for home decor. And obviously I’ve realized I am looking forward to decorating MY own home that I’ve worked for many hard years to obtain!

What do you think of these colors and themes?

Stay tuned for more ideas! And please leave me comments! Exactly what are your decor dreams?

Xoxo

oh, p.s. here’s the source for my beautiful visions! Anthropologie